Bash the car

“Yes, bash the car! Bash! Bash! Bash!” screams M.

Their cars are rolling in like water from the day after tomorrow; disturbing the peace that temp site gives. Me and my nigga M are smoking skunk and pretty much pissed at the bright lights, loud incomprehensible music, and the senseless shouting.

“I am Ibrahim Babalola, your president! I was on temp site in January 2008 and I am still a temp siter! We can, we should, we have to...” (Political pause, no applause) “...get what we pay for!”

M is laughing so hard, his bottle of coke nearly topples over.

“Don’t tell me that’s Babalola”, he says.

“Yes it is, yes it is”, says me.

I am laughing as well but maybe we should attribute this to the beautiful, beautiful skunk.

Me and M however agree with Babalola; he is the president.

“This guy is surely going to win”, says M.

“Yes. Who else is running?” says me.

We are high and this makes what I said funny. We laugh for five more minutes.

In our glorious highness, we can still see through AUN politics. We have Babalola; a Samson holding on to the two pillars namely the North and the South, using ropes of Islam and Yoruba citizenship. It is so fucking easy to deduce that he’s going to win.

Do you know the roots of the word university? No? Then let’s look at the word this way: universe-city. It is a microcosm of the universe; the universe compressed into a small city. A university is supposed to be a reflection of the society that it is put in. I am happy to announce that AUN is a near-perfect reflection of the Nigerian society.

What the fuck is the need for a rally? Babalola is going to win. He has the people from the South and the people from the North. He is immersed in the socialite class of the school. All these useless punks want to be his friend. When he comes over to a normal AUN guy or girl, escorted by the other top guns, making this punk feel special, they want to shake his hand and say “yeah, yeah, we’ll vote for you”. Babalola has friends by virtue of his race and his religion and those are the people (who are by the way, everybody in the school), that will vote for him. Simple. No need for a rally. If he said he was running on the day of the election, the result would be the same.

What the fuck is the need for a rally? Yar’Adua carried his frail self around the fucking country for nothing. We all knew that the election was going to be rigged. PDP was always going to win. At least we can give Yar’Adua a little excuse. He has to keep up appearances for the western media. Yar’Adua is however not different from Babalola. Yar’Adua literally rigs, Babalola rigs using his “friends”.

“And for senate, vote for Bala! Yusuf! Mohammed! Ismaila! Aliyu! Usman! Mariam! Shehu! Aisha!”

These people are not real, I’m just showing you what Babalola had to do to get his northern vote.

Machiavelli said: Politics has no relation to morals.

True dat.

Funny thing M said.

I ask him “So it’s fun to come to a rally now?” I said this because no one on temp site comes out to “rally” with Babalola. All the screams come from all the cars he brought to crowd our sacred temp site.

And M goes “What else is there to do in this school? They don’t smoke weed, we do”.

We look at them and then each other and we laugh for another five minutes.

True dat.

Having said all this, if I vote, which I doubt I will, I will be voting for Babalola.

Who else is running?