THE LEGEND OF CHE GUEVARA

In attempting to explain this great phenomenon, I would like for you the reader to note some important points. Firstly, the progenitors of this phenomenon were in a supernatural state when the great Che Guevara revealed himself to them. You cannot attempt this when you are not high. Secondly, Che Guevara allows for maximum levels of creativity; if you cannot be open-minded, you will not be able to participate. Lastly, I repeat that you have to be so fucking high to enjoy the blessings of Che Guevara.

Che Guevara began in the ninth year of the second millennium of a galaxy far, far away. Five extraordinary beings were returning from the temple where they had gone to perform rituals that glorified the name of the great god Cannabis. In their going, they filed back through outer space, in their spaceships, in the following order: Dr. Evil and Quagmire rode in the front of the pack followed by Sheldon. After Sheldon came Jason Mraz and Fucked-in-the-ass-by-Irene. These beings noticed that something was going on in the galaxy; a feeling that had been brewing in the air for weeks. It felt like a demon; they felt it drawing closer and it was the reason they had gone to the temple to pray to their gracious god, Cannabis. They moved cautiously through outer space praying to Cannabis to save them from a certain and gruelling death.

Dr. Evil and Quagmire were deep in joint prayer when they felt the hand of the demon move past them. Coming from behind, it grabbed through solid to wrap its hands around Dr. Evil’s neck and began to strangle him. Another hand came from behind, grabbing Quagmire’s neck. Quagmire, blessed with a large head, was able to turn his head at an unbelievable angle and communicate with Sheldon, Jason Mraz and Fucked-in-the-ass-by-Irene. Upon receiving this information, they began a prayer of immense power that had never been seen in any galaxy.

To reward their faith and their never-ending loyalty, Cannabis sent his right hand, Che Guevara to save them from the demon. Che Guevara was made in the image of man but he was not; he glowed with the green light of Cannabis himself. He had full hair and a full dark beard, wore a beret and a military outfit, and smoked a cigar. He carried a short knife made of pure gold in his belt, and he stood at about seven feet; a commanding and terrible warrior. He spoke to the demon in a commanding and planet-shaking voice:

“Boredom! I hail thee.”

“Che!”, the demon replied, evidently surprised. “What brings you here? It has been an age since we have crossed paths.”

“I am here on the business of Cannabis”, said Che. “He will not allow you to devour these great men.”

“You know I do not fear you Che!”, Boredom said, shaking and sweating.

“As you should not,” said Che calmly. “Afterall, I have only defeated you one billion and one times. What you should fear is the faith of these five.”

“What do you mean by this?” screamed Boredom. “You know I will devour them in an inkling! Unless you interfere! Leave me be on my business!”

“I grow tired of defeating you, Boredom, so I will not interfere.” Boredom smiles. “ I will however make the odds even. You will begin your attack once more, without the advantage of surprise and these men will prove to you that any that is faithful to Cannabis need not fear Boredom”

So Che Guevara created an arena of great proportions; a large square arena as big as the human mind can imagine. The arena had four exits and each man was supposed to outwit or overpower Boredom to escape through an exit. He set Dr. Evil and Quagmire free of Boredom’s grip, set the five in the arena and sat down to watch while smoking his cigar.

Dr. Evil was gifted with such pace as the gods can have. Boredom chased him around while trying to trip him with sharp, silver wires that would cut off his legs if he tripped over them. Dr. Evil prayed and Cannabis revealed himself to him. Upon this, Dr. Evil decided not to run for it straightaway. He ran from side to side fooling Boredom into believing he was slow. After a time, Boredom could predict his movements and he cast all his tripwires in the direction opposite the exit that Dr. Evil wanted to use, without knowing it. As Boredom threw the wires over Dr. Evil’s head, Dr. Evil turned and sprinted in the opposite direction, at the front of the arena, before Boredom could turn around. He was thus saved. He therefore won for himself, front Che Guevara.

Quagmire was gifted with as much wit as one million men put together. As the knives of boredom chased him without mercy, he prayed unto Cannabis and Cannabis revealed himself to him. Upon this, he decided to engage in an insulting conversation with Boredom. Boredom was notorious for his lust for stupid conversation. The knives slowed down as the stupid conversation grew more intense and finally they stopped. Weaponless, Boredom was unable to attack Quagmire as he ran through a side exit. He therefore won for himself, side Che Guevara.

Sheldon was born with nearly as much creativity as Cannabis himself. As the merciless Ogre of Boredom approached him with his club, Sheldon prayed to Cannabis and Cannabis revealed himself to him. Upon this, and as the giant approached Sheldon who was backed up against the wall, Sheldon summoned his creative powers and used his shadow on the wall to pull himself through the solid wall, and out of danger. He therefore won for himself, shadow Che Guevara.

Fucked-in-ass-by-Irene possessed as much elastic fat in his belly as the fat lazy pig from the Three Little Pigs. The Knight of Boredom blocked the back exit that Fucked-in-the-ass-by-Irene was hoping to use. As he ran with all his fat towards the exit he prayed unto Cannabis and Cannabis revealed himself to him. Upon this, using his belly fat, he was able to curl himself up into a ball at the last moment and roll between the legs of the knight unto safety. He therefore won for himself, back Che Guevara.

Jason Mraz possessed more cynicism and arrogance than anybody else in the world. He therefore did not pray to Cannabis thinking that Cannabis would be sure to save him, his most devoted follower, from Boredom. Boredom himself bore down on him and strangled him to death.

Thus ends the tale of the extremely dangerous game named after the demi-god Che Guevara. The legendary five were thus reduced to four because of the faithlessness of one. Everywhere in the world, Boredom searches for prey. When he finds you, remember the god Cannabis and he will extend his right hand, Che Guevara, as you fall through the darkness.