Thoughts from a blackhole

Part 2

“With each victory of the light, it is the dark that wins” –Matthew Stover.

Light is a gift from the darkness; darkness brings forth light from the centre of itself and allows us to enjoy the illusion of light. We believe that the light is stronger, and that the light will save us, but this illusion is also a gift from the darkness.

“The dark is generous” – Matthew Stover.

The darkness conceals itself and allows light to shine. We bask in the rays of light glad that the darkness has gone; but light is only temporary and the darkness will come back.

With each victory of the light, it is the dark that wins.

My illusion is shattered once more.

It was cool and everything; drumming to Automatic. Tokio Hotel has “nufing” on me. However, I am an extremely tired human being. It was fun drumming, but there is still a lot of work to do. I still have a little problem with my kick drumming and I know that I will solve it; it’s totally not impossible. The sad thing is that there is a problem to solve.

Tokio Hotel has “nufing” on me, but they have a shitload on us. I am not confident in the band and I guess that’s not a good thing. Talent can only take us so far; passion will take us to the ends of the universe. The passion is dying and the dark is winning. I am hoping that in the darkness, we will find our passion; because then it would not be an illusion.

I am still writing this fucked up diary thing, diary. So I guess you know that I have made no progress concerning geeky girl. I wonder if that is also an illusion. Geeky girl, geeky girl; I hope I find her in the darkness because only then will I be happy.

I have come back down to the basest form of myself. This is where I see myself naked and freezing, in the middle of nowhere. There is nothing that I own, and there is no one that I know. No one owns me, and nothing can help me. I am a fucked up dude revolving in the same fucking spot. I always come back here. Al-fucking-ways I come back here. My logic and science has taught me nothing since, but I think I am learning now. This is me; and this is where I should be. This dark, cold place is my home; anything else is an illusion. All that glitters is not gold and gold is a fucked up illusion anyway. This is the shit, the truth, and it is shit.

So here in the darkness, we must find our passion. Here, in this darkness, I must find geeky girl; because I won’t find her anywhere else. My happiness is in the darkness; I have to start all over again and build my life from scratch here, in this darkness.

I can see clearly now, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t shitty. What I see is fucked up, but I can turn it around because now I know the truth and I know what to do. I pity the fools still under the illusion of light. There’s a reason for the sayings “Life is unfair” and “Life is a bitch”. The reason is simply because they are true. Life is a bitch, and life is unfair to give us light and then watch as we watch it fade away in our hands. We always ask “why is this happening to me?” or “what did I do to deserve this?”

It’s what you didn’t do; it’s your ignorance.

There’s a long, hard way to go; but it’ll be worth it in the end, I guess. All I need is music and geeky girl and I’ll have that permanent smile like the Joker. Everything else is a fucking illusion.