These three kings of orient are,
Bearing gifts to traverse afar,
Fucking with me and probably fucking themselves,
Dumbasses saying they’re following a star,
When they’re following the sun,
These three kings of orient are,
Fucking with me and probably fucking themselves.
These fucking three kings. Their stupid Christmas song has been playing in my head all fucking day.
Walking with a certain bosom friend, I complained about the three gay kings. And then the epiphany came to us.
There’s no fucking star in the world that can shine in the daytime. Or is there?
The sun, my friends. The sun.
There was no fucking act of God in their fucked up gay story (Gold, frankincense and myrrh. Really! So fucking gay), it was just the fucking sun.
Three kings of the orient (probably some stupid communist Chinese people. You know them fucking Chinese people; always wanting to be the first on any new shit that comes up) moving to look for the saviour who was conveniently born in Jerusalem in the Roman Empire.
What other fucking star could they be following? The sun; moving from east (orient) to the west (Jerusalem).
These fucking three kings piss me off because of their fucking low Intelligence Quotient.
Or perhaps it’s not their fault. This is the problem I have with the bible. Why does it have to be so fucking cryptic? For fuck’s sake, how can we discern what bible passages to take at face value and which ones we shouldn’t? I swear I’m not the only one who until today thought that the three kings were following some super-fucking-bright and powerful star.
The sun shines by day and shines by night through the moon. So fucking ingenious.
The ingeniousness is the most annoying part of this shit.
A God so cryptic making me dedicate my whole fucking life just to understand some fucking bible passage when He could have just fucking said the three kings were moving from the east to the west. So many generations dedicated their lives and they still don’t know this. PISSES ME THE FUCK OFF!
Did He fear the bible being a short book? Is that it? I still wouldn’t meditate on it day and night if there were only 66 chapters, so what the fuck.
I don’t think you see my problem. What if Jesus saying “I am the way, the truth, and the life” was saying some cryptic bullshit and we’re doing the wrong thing? What if, after all your giving on Sunday, philanthropy, prayer wars and evangelism, you are going to hell? Just because YOUR God thought He should play around with you a little bit. Behaving like a fucking sphinx and authoring a whole 66 books of cryptic bullshit.
I mean, for fuck’s sake look at the book of Revelations. Nobody knows what is going to happen in the afterlife. It certainly can’t be all that Harry Potter bullshit. Nobody knows. So why did He fucking bother to try telling us? What the fuck did He tell us? That Jesus was going to come back to earth on a white horse and shit? That’s so fucking far-fetched. If you want to do something, do it right. If you want to tell me something, Dear God, PLEASE JUST FUCKING TELL ME ALREADY! Stop playing with my head. Unlike the three gay kings, I have shit to do.
Maybe God is a sphinx. It would certainly abate my anger. It would just make sense.
A star that shines by day and night.
Fucking ingenious.
Fucking pisses me off.
These fucking fucked up three kings.
Hmmmm. I just could not let this pass me by. NO WAY!
ReplyDeleteIs it ever mentioned anywhere that the star shone in the day, or did you just need something to strengthen your argument? And by the way, the sun is a star.
Why are gold, myrrh and frankincense gay? Seriously, why? Do you just sit down and come up with the stuff? Why are the three kings of orient gay? Did they like rock music too much or wear skinny jeans?
How do you know it is only the sun that moves from East to West? I suppose you are well-versed in the study of the universe and stars.
You cannot completely understand God; that's why he is God.
The three kings had a low IQ? As in, how can you validate any of what you've put up here?
You do not have the slightest idea what you are talking about. Not the slightest.
Sha be careful what you say. Peradventure the Lord will forgive you.
O.O, why in the world could you not simply say 'perhaps', instead of making me look up 'peradventure'? smh
ReplyDeleteWhy does this post irk you so? I think that if God Himself has decided to free every man to say and think and do as he sees fit, you should do the same.
There is no evidence to contradict the postulation that the Three Kings were gay, just as there is no evidence that they weren't. Same goes for their IQ. This is all just harmless speculation, so I fail to see what the big deal is.
You do not have the slightest idea what you are talking about either, because the Bible does not say much about the Kings besides their travel plans and the gifts they brought along.
And since it is God you worship apparently, and not the Three (very obviously pagan) Kings from the idol-worshipping East, I don't see why anyone has to be careful what they say about them. They weren't even Jewish.
Anyway.
LadyInRed, you just had to say 'postulation'. As in, really?!
ReplyDeleteWhy have you taken the burden upon yourself, shacking someone else's para? Scary stuff.
Everyone has freewill alright, and that is why some people end up in hell. So as for that, you are pointless.
What makes you think the three 'wise' men were pagan? Go and read Matthew 2.
If it is like that, then anyone can say whatever about Mary, or Joshua, because we are not worshipping them.
Harmless speculation yeah?
Thank you, LIR. Really. Thank you very much. I’ll take it from here.
ReplyDeleteDear O. O,
I know that the sun is a star; it is the basis of my argument.
I also know that the “star” shone by day and by night. It is in the bible, and it is reiterated quite annoyingly in the stupid Christmas song that does not cease to play in my head.
What I am trying to say here is that the bible peeps should have just fucking said that it was the sun that the three gay kings were following (meaning they were going from east to west!).
I don’t know that any other star moves from east to west but I know that the only star that does that, and shines by day, is the sun.
Sub-basis of my argument.
Other “postulations” such as:
• God is a sphinx.
• The three kings are gay.
• Their gifts were stupid.
• The book of revelations is shit.
... are my personal opinion and as such cannot be condemned by you. Only by God; who would probably condemn me in such a cryptic way that I would think I was right.
Your problem with this post is based on another problem I term as “Christian pride”. Christian pride is the reason for slavery, burning innocent non-witches on the stake, intolerance, any religious war you can think of, and ultimately the deaths of millions; and I daresay, hundreds of millions of people in the world, since Jesus did his neat little ascension trick.
You guys just don’t want to hear anything bad about your religion; or your God.
Peradventure you should be open-minded.
And yes, we can say shit about Mary, and Joseph, and Simon Peter, and T. D. Jakes, and Chris Oyakhilome, because they are not GOD. Therefore we are not blaspheming.
I will not deny that I blasphemed in this post, but I will only accept this in the context of its definition. I blasphemed because blaspheming means talking shit about God.
I however don’t think blaspheming is wrong since I don’t think that He exists.
The three kings had to be pagan. They were from the orient. Please go to Asia and count how many Asian Christians you find. I will only wait one minute because that will be all the time you need to count them.
These three kings of orient were gay and God is a sphinx.
Bite me.
In your mind now, you've finished me. I laugh in Swahili!
ReplyDeleteLike I said, borrow a Bible and read Matthew 2.
The Book is sealed; that is why you cannot understand it.
And if I my ask, why then did you go to church today? Are you trying to please someone? Because that would really be hypocrisy on your part, considering all that you have said.
And no, Catholicism caused slavery and burning innocent people on stakes.
You don't believe that God exists, but you don't leave room for the possibility that He does. So what if He does? What happens to you then?
XX.
OH MY GODNESS!!! i am so freaking pissed at this right now. how dare you write this kind of stuff? even if you do not believe, at least have some respect for the religion.just so you know everything in the bible is very straightforward.you just have to believe with all your heart to get a deeper understanding of the bible. the bible is full of stories of people who did and didnot believe and what happened to them. the problem here is that your heart is already hardened towards God and religion so you do not even want to understand. where the heck did you see that the three kings were gay? where? and as O.O said, in case you did not know the sun is a STAR! anything cryptic about that? oh yes and in case you did not know,it was actually said that they travelled and night.yes they did! remember they stayed with Herod in Jerusalem and awoke early in the morning to continue their journey.
ReplyDeletedo me a favour,if you ever try to read the bible do so with an open heart!
ehm LIR nice try.harmless speculation really? i guess am allowed to say whatever i want about the catholic doctrine.why would someone even begin to speculate that the 3 kings were gay or pagan?? is that the point of the story??i highly doubt that.
ReplyDelete@rudebode yes you are entitled to your opinion but still be careful what you say.
Go Dori!
ReplyDeleteNow I have a supporter.
*Sticking out my tongue*
I should feel free to say whatever about the Catholic church now.
@O.O, the Catholic Church? Bring it.
ReplyDeleteAaaaaaaah.
ReplyDeleteI laugh in Swahili. That was funny.
Hello Dori,
First of all, I already said the sun was a fucking star! Like one million times! It is the reason why I said the bible was cryptic in the first place; because the bible didn't say that the sun was the star that the three kings were following. It was beating around the bush telling us that there was a star that shines by day and by night, blah blah blah, running away from the truth. Fuck that shit.
You are reiterating what I am saying. It seems you just glossed over the post. Or maybe as all Christians do, you just looked for what you wanted to see. Or a little crash course in astronomy is advised.
The sun is a star. I said this, I said this, I said this.
Second of all, I do not have to have respect for Christianity. Respect is earned; and Christianity has not earned my respect. So fuck Christianity.
Thirdly, the three GAY kings traveled by day and by night. I suggest you open your own bible.
Also, if I have to open my heart to gain a deeper understanding of the bible then that means that the bible IS cryptic. If I can't read it like I'm reading Harry Potter or something (I think that Harry Potter and the bible are kind of the same thing; fantasy books), then it is not straightforward.
You contradict yourself.
For O. O, all Christianity came from Catholicism. Protestants might not kill witches today, but they still carry the same Christian attitude. They believe they are the best and the only religion. When I say "they" I mean Catholics and Protestants alike. You all have the "Christian Pride." Have you ever paused to think that the god of the Buddhists or the Scientologists might be the creator? No. This is because of the stupid, subjective, Christian Pride. It pays to be open-minded; only then can you find the truth. I am not saying that Christianity is untrue, but if it is true, being open-minded is the only way you can know for sure.
So stop attacking the Catholic Church; you are all equally guilty.
BITE ME!!! PLEASE!!!
I will not bite you, because it will be gross. And gay.
ReplyDeleteI shall not continue any further, seeing as thou hast decided to close thine eyes.
Hasta la vista.
XX.
i might not agree with a lot of things said here and i dont want people biting my head off. i have heard so much about this post that i was thrust right in the middle of an argument about it. but now that i have read it.........I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!
ReplyDelete