I AM ...

We are never born into humility. We choose it.

To prove this, I remind you of that motherfucker that’s so unbelievably arrogant but still when you look at him, you see nothing. You’re thinking “What the fuck is wrong with this fucker? What does he have that makes him so fucking full of himself?” That single arrogant motherfucker is my proof.

Humility is my edict, although I might not show it much. I have embedded it into every cell of my being because I know how I was made. I believe that for a person like me, stupidly arrogant, humility is a virtue that can guarantee me success. It will make me do more and therefore achieve more. If I place myself at the bottom of the ladder I will need to climb further to get to the top. And if I am not really at the bottom then when I climb, I will climb higher than the top. With humility I can do this.

However, this has been going on for far too long and I cannot ignore it any longer. I cannot continue to close my eyes to it. It plagues me; day and night it follows me around in its black masked hood. Its face is pale and although I only ever catch a glimpse of it under its hood, I can see that its face is distorted and ugly. It follows me around day and night, hides in shadows and only shows itself for my eyes. It plagues me. It comes into my most private of places; my mind, even when I lock the door. And there it plagues me too.

In the streets, in the corridors, and in rooms. Through the transparent windows of the car, the glass encasing of the airport, the vulnerable open space of the fields and in cramped spaces. It follows me around. It never shows itself to me, but I can see it through your eyes. You can see it too and that is why you stare.

In the streets, in the corridors, and in rooms. Through the transparent windows of the car, the glass encasing of the airport, the vulnerable open space of the fields and in cramped spaces. You all stare at me. They all stare at me. Because they see it too.

Everywhere I go, people stare at me. Everywhere I go. Sometimes I walk with a beautiful girl or I walk with a flashy friend and they stare at them. But they stare at me differently and longer. Sometimes it seems like they hate me, sometimes it seems like they are praising me but most times, they are simply considering me. Like “Who are you?” “How did you come to be here?” “How does a person like you exist?”

I’m not the best dressed in the world. I dress simply and comfortably, although I don’t dress as I please yet, and I am content with it. But they still stare at me. I’m walking with someone wearing skinny jeans and a contemporary t-shirt and all that popular shit and they stare at him/her. But they still come back to me; they still come back to give me that long appraising stare. Like “Who the hell are you?” “What do you do that makes you you?”

It’s been happening a long time. I’m walking down the street and I see a dude with his chic and he’s looking self-satisfied. When he looks at me, it’s a look of pure hate. Like “Stay away dude, I’m warning you”, and I’m wondering what the fuck I did. I’m walking down the street and I see a random dude. I’m not the only one on the street but he says hi to me. Because he feels like he should and there’s that look on his face, and through his eyes I can see the plague.

I can never see it through the mirror; I am either too humble or too blind for that. I see flaws and areas for improvement every time I look in the mirror. I can only see it through your eyes.

And none of you know me.

I’m walking and I feel like people are making way for me. I feel like they are all looking up at me. I see them look up at me and admire me. I see them as the bow their heads without knowing it. It has been happening too long for it not to be true.

It has taken every ounce of my humility to resist acknowledging its presence all these years. Every time I see its reflection through your eyes, I close my eyes and wish it away. I bring out my humble dagger and battle its arrogant sword.

We are never born into humility. We choose it. This plague though, we are born into. It comes with a responsibility; a responsibility full of hard work, self belief, tireless performance, and arrogance, and that is why it is a plague.

However, I cannot deny it any longer. I cannot deny my inheritance from whomever the fuck is my maker. I have to embrace it for there is no other thing I can be; there is no other person I can be. This is who I am.

I am...AWESOME.