KINGDOM COME

Volume 2 : Up, Up, and Away

Now when the sun come up, I’ll be there to say waddup in the morning [Up, up, and away by Kid Cudi].

The sunrise is a beautiful thing. The weather is just right and the light is just right. It’s more beautiful because of the residual highness from last night. It’s blurry, and everything is misty, and the sun seems to be shimmering, and not so far away from me. It’s beautiful because I’m all alone. Chilling with myself, the sun shimmering above me, my only friend in this perfect weather.

All alone, diary. All alone. I’m listening to Up, Up, and Away by Kid Cudi and I’m smoking God knows how many cancer sticks. The pack finishes this morning. Every time the music stops, I hear myself breathing. I sound like Darth Vader. It’s the only sound I can hear for miles. I’m all alone. It’s the most I’ve come to peace in my life. I can be here forever man. Forever. In the hustle and bustle of the day, I always wish the music wouldn’t stop to skip to another song. In the few seconds between songs I can hear the world and it reminds me that I am in the world. It takes me till the middle of the next song to get lost in the music again. Then the song stops and everything becomes fucked up again.

Me and the sun chilling man. I am in the middle of this desert, sitting under my favorite tree and the sun is shining high up in the sky. Shining only for me. Everybody else is in their rooms and their houses, curtains pulled, sleeping. I’m the only one out here and the sun is shining only for me. From my satellite in space, I can see the rounded earth. There are dots all over the fucking place. Trees, skyscrapers and shit. But all of these things are occupied. People in their houses, birds in their nests and cars in their garages. I’m the only one of the 7 billion people on this earth. The only one watching the sun rise. Just one human dot at this moment. I feel free. When there are people around, I feel claustrophobia; like they’re choking me. I have to share the earth with all of you fuckers. But y’all can’t take the sunrise away from me; it’s just me and the sun and I’m free.

Free and all alone. It looks like that’s the formula.

Sunrise lasts for what, thirty minutes max? Yeah; something around that timeframe. Right now though, I am in that timeframe; in a light, air-filled bubble. I can see the problems and the drama chilling for me right outside my bubble. They’re pacing, waiting, brandishing their weapons and waiting for the sunrise to be over. Then my bubble bursts; they advance in millions, place their cuffs on me, create their own congested bubble and swallow me up till the next sunrise.

Fuck. They get me all the fucking time. I’m serving a life sentence. Geddit? Being alive is a life sentence.

There are three ways to serve this life sentence; each surer than the other. Let’s begin with the surest – music. It’s the middle of the day, and I’m walking because I probably have to do the hard labor that’s part of my sentence, and the music is plugged into my ear. It drowns everyone the fuck out. Dude be saying waddup to me and I can’t fucking hear the dude. I say waddup back and I can’t hear myself even. If the dude says anything other than waddup, I just nod my head and agree with whatever the dude is saying. You could ask me to give my life when the music is plugged in and I’ll just nod man. But the music stops; whether it’s the end of the song or having to talk to these other people I’m serving the life sentence with, the music stops.

Numero deux (Spanish and French people must fucking hate me now). The tree. You know the cool thing about the tree? It pushes all the problems away. Without the tree your head is congested; there are voices in every nuke and cranny of your mind. “Remember to do this!” “Remember to do that!” “Dude there’s no money in your account!” “Dude you’re hungry!” “Dude get your laptop fixed!” “Dude call your parents!” Dude, dude, dude, dude. All these voices all over my fucking mind. The tree rises out of the earth of my mind and smashes all them bitches like the Whomping Willow. Then everything is silent and all you’re thinking about is what you want to think about. Whatever you want to think about. Seriously! Yesterday I was thinking about not thinking! See? Cool thoughts only.

Numero trois! That person. You know diary, I was going to say that girl, but the world is so er advanced these days. That girl might not apply to everyone. So in the spirit of not discriminating, that person (that girl for me though). Yeah, that person. Can’t explain it dude. It’s like a merger. Toss your pride away and melt into a bigger thing. When I’m chilling with that person, it’s just me. But saying it’s just me is just like saying it’s just her. We’re the same person. Everything else is poof. To lay yourself on another is a gift. It is however a rare gift; like the diamond. It’s rare because you’re laying yourself on another. Other people are unreliable and unstable like uranium. Do you know the power you can harness from uranium? Freakish power man. You have to get it to settle down first though. And that’s the problem. Long tin.

All these things come down to drowning everybody else and thus all my problems, out. Being all alone. A combination of the three would be really cool because they all have their limitations. The music stops, the high expires, and that person is a human being. A combination of the three would be like interchanging one for the other. The music stops so you get high. The high expires so you chill with that person. That person leaves so you play music. The best cycle in the world.

Utopian dream.

It’s so hard to find that person; it’s almost always an added bonus. All I got for sure is music and that tree. So I’ll hold on to them like you hold on to the ledge of a window when you’re falling from a skyscraper. Hold that shit tight man.

That tree; the music. The world has fucked up these things for us. Social standards tell us that they are bad for us and shit, and they’ve messed it up for you. I’m sorry for you. You should see your eyes when I tell you about the tree. You’re repulsed. You hate me. You criticize me. You judge me. I’m sorry for you. I’m chilling man. Far away from you and all the problems of the world and you’re looking up at me shaking your head? It’s like you don’t know your place. Thou art beneath me. Can’t you see? Shit. The Church and your mummy and your daddy have fucked up everything for you. You walk on brimstones while I float in the air, feet untouched. And you hate me. Really?

Man I saw a dude yesterday chilling for a bus in this fucked up town. It’s like at least 45 degrees in this fucked up town and the dude is wearing a three-piece suit. He’s sweating profusely, on his own, carrying a fucking heavy bag. I could see it on his face. I could see the sadness he had resigned himself to. His life is fucked up. It is controlled. It is beyond his reach. Yet when he compares himself to me, the tree guy, he’s better than me. That’s why he’s sad; because he thinks he’s better than me. Fuck.

Emancipate yourself from mental slavery [Redemption Song by Bob Marley].

One of my dudes was high one day and he goes “maybe the tree of knowledge of good and evil was weed.” You know, it probably was. That’s all I’m saying.

All alone with myself. All alone with my knowledge. All alone with the sunrise. All alone with the music. All alone with the tree.

It’s the only way I survive.

Away from you people, away from the problems. Up, up, and away.

I’ll be up, up, and away,

Up, up, and away,

Cus they gon judge me anyway,

So whatever [Up, up, and away by Kid Cudi].

Whatever dude. Y’all can say whatever you like. Do whatever you like to me dude. I can’t hear you when my music is plugged in. I can’t see you when I’m high up in the tree. So whatever man. When I come down, all I get is shit from you people. So whatever. I’m up there with myself now. No nothing to bother me.

I wish I could share this sunrise with her. It would be perfect. If it was up to me, I would. But it’s not totally up to me. So a wish it remains.

All alone man. It’s not the coolest thing in the world but it’s the coolest thing in this world.

I’m up, up, and away.