Caveman Stigma

The only way an insult gets to you is if it’s true. I realized that today. You see all those squabbles, and some guy just says one thing to the other guy and the other guy goes all ‘Hulk Smash’ on some-guy’s ass. It’s because what he said was true.

I mean, I’ve been called all sorts of names today ‘Big Dummy’, ‘stupid’, even ‘wicked’. I haven’t even had the slightest inclination to get angry. I have been irritated though. I’ve gotten like one billion calls today. Some time for me, maybe?

So the deal is my mother found out I smoke weed, and that I was even gonna get some for my sister. Whoa!

So there’s some crazy shit going on there, which explains the phone calls from one thousand family members, all lasting about one thousand minutes by the way, but that’s not what we’re here to talk about.

We’re here to talk about why these people have a problem with me anyway. We’re here to talk about why they’re calling me all the time because they found out I smoke ‘Indian Hemp’. I’m telling you, it’s a big problem. My aunt actually said those lovely three words to me – I hate you.

I got the distinct impression from all the conversations I had with different family members (my mum told everybody!) that they think I’m now a dumbass irresponsible skin-scratching dirty degenerate because I smoke marijuana.

They said shit like “So how many times a day do you take the thing?” “ I know your brain isn’t working well.” “That’s why you failed isn’t it?” “You’re now a big dummy.” That’s how I got that distinct impression.

I have this conversational tactic. It works pretty well. When you don’t say shit and the other person does all the talking, they come to realize you’re not gonna say shit so they just say a few harsh conversational conclusions and they hang up and probably send you a text message. Which you will not reply.

It was during one of the lovely monologues that I began to become weary of the insults and began to think they were true. But then I realized that for every insult the opposition had come up with, I had come up with a way better counter-insult that woulda shut them up for life, metaphorically, and shut them up for quite a few minutes, literally.

Insults are the epiphany today people; insults.

I am not a dumb-ass. I am not irresponsible. Man, if my mum knew about some of my colleagues, she’d take me to The Vatican and try desperately to get me Saint status. What?

If due to some extenuating circumstances like my instructor doesn’t like my attitude much, I don’t get a C or a D, then I’m dropping you an A. Every single time. Boom. A. I’m dropping it like a runner’s sweat. Except for the extenuating circumstances.

I’m a dummy, uh?

I got a job at a news house as a librarian that one time. Remember mummy? I was a librarian. One month of work, and I was writing for the paper. Remember that mummy? You and daddy were so proud.

I used to smoke weed on my lunch breaks mummy.

I guess I’m getting too personal here. It’s pretty simple. I thought it was just a myth but apparently, it’s true. It’s true that people are actually that dumb, so dumb as to go about assuming that because you smoke some marijuana, you become some Brenda-baby-throwing crack whore.

I don’t know what to say man. Let me tell you a little story. There was this guy, his name was William Shakespeare. No biggie. Dude wrote like one million plays in what became to be termed the British Renaissaince. Playwrights, poets like William Blake, writers like Dickens, all those mo’fuckers, they came out of this era. They did some good shit.

William Shakespeare dominated the pack. The English that we speak today, consider it Shakespeare’s gift to the world. One dude, man.

Some two hundred years later, some silly scientists go poking around Shakespeare’s shit, and they find his pipes. They test the motherfucker’s eight or so pipes and find residues of marijuana in every last one of them. Every fucking last one of them.

There’s this new science gizmo that can check bone content and know how much weed you’ve smoked in your lifetime, that kinda thing. They’re gonna take a small pinch of Shakespeare from where he’s rested (they’re not gonna exhume him, no) and check his bone content.

What do you expect the results to be?

He was the leader of the fucking pack. In every last one of those pipes, they said.

What else can I say?

It’s just a pity though. That such people exist. That there is such ignorance in a world where information is power. People still don’t know shit. Somewhere a white guy is still killing a black guy just because he’s black. He doesn’t know any better. He’s ignorant. Somewhere someone’s kid is being subjected to religious hilly-billying because his/her parents found them reading Harry Potter. It’s about witches and wizards. The kid’s gotta go to spiritual deliverance in church.

Here, I’m being threatened to be disowned because I smoke marijuana. There is still that ignorant caveman stigma. It’s just a pity.

Ignorance is dangerous is what I learnt. Amongst other things. Dummy. Stupid.

You know, whatever.

I rolled this blunt really well though. Even for myself.